A few days later we're yet again enjoying the summer fun and I hear I hear that this kid I used to know is having a birthday party. My friends and I leave to go to this party and after a few hours we're getting boozed up and having a good time. I start to get tired and the DD is leaving so I decide to leave. On my way out I'm about five feet from the door when I see G enter with that one guy. I quickly do an about face and walk back into the party, instantly deciding to stay. I needed to know what was going on with this one girl, because after the other night I couldnt stop thinking about her.
After a few minutes I ask the guy who she came with whether or not they were dating and to my joy I find out that they arent. Right On.
The evening at this point tends to get hazy but of what I remember I remember this: I ended up getting a ride home from her, and on the way home she put in a music CD that happened to be this band that I'm fanatical about. Its some relatively obscure emo band and to say the least I was extremely suprised.
For me music is of the utmost importance. I feel that you can draw conclusions and certain understandings about people based on their music tastes. While this isnt the be all end all, I really do think that it applies in many cases. Nevertheless, it was weird because this band (who im obsessed with) was her favorite band, and she was equally obsessed. It was like I had found the female version of myself, and I was excited. She dropped me off at home and I gave her my SN(smooth, I know. watch out ladies)
Friday, February 1, 2008
Chapter 1 Part 2
So there we are, sitting on a golf course casually drinking and chatting getting to know eachother. I discover that this girl went to my "rival" highschool(even though no one really cares. I also find out that she is the one my friend had been talking about, and she just so happened to be going to college 40 minutes away from my school(accessible because we were in a city).
I get to talking to this girl and I realize that shes really cool and so naturally a develop a little bit of a thing for her. All of us on the golf course decide to go to my buddy F's house(he by the way, is the cock blocker) and so we proceed there. We continue to drink heavily and I continue to chat with the girl.
I need to go on a tangent real fast..... i have a huge thing for scene girls. By this I mean those cute girls with brown hair, the ones who wear lots of bracelets and can be seen at indie shows, or the occasional dashboard or john mayer concert. The girl who is idealistic about the world and wants to help people. That kind of girl.... and shes just that type, but I digress.
So anyways, we're all hanging out at my buddy's house and I decide I'm going to try to kiss the girl I was trying to hook up with earlier. So we go off wandering around F's house together (under some kind of drunk pretense of wanting to be foolish) and we end up in his attic/loft thingy on the second floor. We get to that moment once again where my hands are on her hips and we're looking at her, and poof! F shows up and C-Bs me again.
"What are you guys doing up here?"
"Nothing Man."
Fuck.
Anyways, I end up going down to the kitchen to join everyone and I see the girl who I just met, and the more I talk to her the more rad I realize she is(oh yea I DID just say rad, but im not a skater and I dont call my friens "bra").I'm talking to G and the more I talk to her the more I realize that she is that scene girl type which I'm quite fond of. She seals the deal when she picks up my buddy's acoustic guitar and begins to sing me a song about me, something about dinosaurs and semen, im not really sure how I remember that as it was years ago, but whatever, it was funny in a drunk way.
She ends up giving me this cheap little metal ring that she had been wearing on her thumb as a guarantee that I'll remember her. I was cool with that.
A few moments after she leaves with the guy she came with I decide to try one more time to hook up with that other girl. We go into F's basement and after a while I'm laying on the ground and she is straddling me and we're both drunk and laughing and being stupid and I'm finally saying to myself "hell yes, finally the moment I've been waiting for for 5-6 years! When all of a sudden....
F:"Hey guys!"
Fuck.
By the way I think at this time it is important to mention that F had a huge boner for this girl(and by that I mean he really liked her. Fair enough)
And that was how that night ended.
I get to talking to this girl and I realize that shes really cool and so naturally a develop a little bit of a thing for her. All of us on the golf course decide to go to my buddy F's house(he by the way, is the cock blocker) and so we proceed there. We continue to drink heavily and I continue to chat with the girl.
I need to go on a tangent real fast..... i have a huge thing for scene girls. By this I mean those cute girls with brown hair, the ones who wear lots of bracelets and can be seen at indie shows, or the occasional dashboard or john mayer concert. The girl who is idealistic about the world and wants to help people. That kind of girl.... and shes just that type, but I digress.
So anyways, we're all hanging out at my buddy's house and I decide I'm going to try to kiss the girl I was trying to hook up with earlier. So we go off wandering around F's house together (under some kind of drunk pretense of wanting to be foolish) and we end up in his attic/loft thingy on the second floor. We get to that moment once again where my hands are on her hips and we're looking at her, and poof! F shows up and C-Bs me again.
"What are you guys doing up here?"
"Nothing Man."
Fuck.
Anyways, I end up going down to the kitchen to join everyone and I see the girl who I just met, and the more I talk to her the more rad I realize she is(oh yea I DID just say rad, but im not a skater and I dont call my friens "bra").I'm talking to G and the more I talk to her the more I realize that she is that scene girl type which I'm quite fond of. She seals the deal when she picks up my buddy's acoustic guitar and begins to sing me a song about me, something about dinosaurs and semen, im not really sure how I remember that as it was years ago, but whatever, it was funny in a drunk way.
She ends up giving me this cheap little metal ring that she had been wearing on her thumb as a guarantee that I'll remember her. I was cool with that.
A few moments after she leaves with the guy she came with I decide to try one more time to hook up with that other girl. We go into F's basement and after a while I'm laying on the ground and she is straddling me and we're both drunk and laughing and being stupid and I'm finally saying to myself "hell yes, finally the moment I've been waiting for for 5-6 years! When all of a sudden....
F:"Hey guys!"
Fuck.
By the way I think at this time it is important to mention that F had a huge boner for this girl(and by that I mean he really liked her. Fair enough)
And that was how that night ended.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Chapter 1 Part 1 : My First Shot at Love
Almost four years ago I was sitting in my hometown hanging out with a friend of mine, my best friend at the time, and I asked him if he knew any girls from his school that I could be introduced to. Him and I were highschool friends who were going to college near eachother.
I was single at the time, and to be honest i had never had anything I would call a serious relationship. I was lonely, depressed, and I felt the need to fall in love. Dont get me wrong, I didnt actually expect to fall in love, thats more something i say ("hey guys lets go out tonight maybe I'll fall in love").
At first he said he didnt know of anyone, but after a bit he realized that there was this girl he knew who I might like, and she happened to live on the other side of town. Immediately I got nervous(as was my usual way with girls) and nothing came of it.
A week later I was enjoying my hobby of drinking with a bunch of randos on a golf course late at night. At the time I was trying to hook up with this girl I had had a crush on since highschool. Her and I were walking away from everyone, and I felt that amazing "hey we're about to have our first kiss" moment when along came my friend and C-Bed me. I was very annoyed, because I had a huge thing for this girl.
We walk back to where our group of hooligans are hanging out and I see this kid I know walk over the hill towards us and along with him comes this beautiful girl. In my typical fashion at the time, I get nervous and proceed to not seem alpha in any way, i actually start spooning my best friend and acting goofy(which are two things im talented at).
I end up meeting the girl, we'll call her G, and I felt my heart skip a beat.
I was single at the time, and to be honest i had never had anything I would call a serious relationship. I was lonely, depressed, and I felt the need to fall in love. Dont get me wrong, I didnt actually expect to fall in love, thats more something i say ("hey guys lets go out tonight maybe I'll fall in love").
At first he said he didnt know of anyone, but after a bit he realized that there was this girl he knew who I might like, and she happened to live on the other side of town. Immediately I got nervous(as was my usual way with girls) and nothing came of it.
A week later I was enjoying my hobby of drinking with a bunch of randos on a golf course late at night. At the time I was trying to hook up with this girl I had had a crush on since highschool. Her and I were walking away from everyone, and I felt that amazing "hey we're about to have our first kiss" moment when along came my friend and C-Bed me. I was very annoyed, because I had a huge thing for this girl.
We walk back to where our group of hooligans are hanging out and I see this kid I know walk over the hill towards us and along with him comes this beautiful girl. In my typical fashion at the time, I get nervous and proceed to not seem alpha in any way, i actually start spooning my best friend and acting goofy(which are two things im talented at).
I end up meeting the girl, we'll call her G, and I felt my heart skip a beat.
We all have the same chance
We all have the same chance to attain happiness, its just a matter of what we do with our lives and how hard we push to achieve what it is that we want. I believe in fate, I believe in a lot of things that I do not understand but perhaps what I believe in the most is that there is no such thing as a guaranteed good or that if one works hard they will be rewarded with success. Granted that may sound hypocritical already because of the whole "work hard achieve what you want" business, I've just have the misfortune of working hard and still not attaining what I want. Good people can be wronged, and bad people can be blessed. Theres no sense in how anything works, theres just what happens. Nevertheless, i still try and I still push in the hopes that some day I will reap the benefits of what I hope to gain.
I am not sure what the point of a "blog" is. Maybe its therapeutical in the whole cathartic sense. I hope so. But either way I do this because it kills time. I'm lonely, I'm bored, and I want to write my life down so that some day when I am old and I have forgotten what makes me, well... me, I will be able to read this and understand why I am the way I am.
I talked to a friend who I knew four years ago, and remembering myself in the past I've come upon the realization that I have changed a lot. My soul has darkened but my capabilities have increased. I've lost a lot of my ideals but at the same time I hope for things which I never thought attainable in the past. I've loved, and I've lost. I've been wronged and I've wronged people. Such is how life goes, so why not write it down and try to understand just why I am the way I am.
Ive skipped the years of introspection which most of us go through in our teens. My need to understand myself has only arisen lately. I am both extremely proud and extremely disappointed of who I am.
In many ways I've lost myself while searching for a better me. I want to understand that, and I have to figure out where to start.
Four years ago would probably be best because much of my life revolves around the need to love and be loved.
I hope in the ensuing weeks and months and years that if I keep this up I will try as little as possible to censor myself, only keeping out personal information about myself and those I know. This is because in the event that someone I know was to find this, it could potentially be quite caustic to my social life. But, with that being said, I am who I am and I have nothing to hide. I do not do things that I need to be secrets(for the most part) and if I know people who have done things to me which I should not be able to talk about openly, it is their fault for having done them.
I will start shortly.
In most cases, as these blogs go, little to no one will care nor will they read about this, but thats no matter as this is moreso for myself than anyone else.
But, if you do happen to ever read these, I encourage emails because we're all living on this rock together so we might as well give eachother a helping hand in understanding just who we are.
I am not sure what the point of a "blog" is. Maybe its therapeutical in the whole cathartic sense. I hope so. But either way I do this because it kills time. I'm lonely, I'm bored, and I want to write my life down so that some day when I am old and I have forgotten what makes me, well... me, I will be able to read this and understand why I am the way I am.
I talked to a friend who I knew four years ago, and remembering myself in the past I've come upon the realization that I have changed a lot. My soul has darkened but my capabilities have increased. I've lost a lot of my ideals but at the same time I hope for things which I never thought attainable in the past. I've loved, and I've lost. I've been wronged and I've wronged people. Such is how life goes, so why not write it down and try to understand just why I am the way I am.
Ive skipped the years of introspection which most of us go through in our teens. My need to understand myself has only arisen lately. I am both extremely proud and extremely disappointed of who I am.
In many ways I've lost myself while searching for a better me. I want to understand that, and I have to figure out where to start.
Four years ago would probably be best because much of my life revolves around the need to love and be loved.
I hope in the ensuing weeks and months and years that if I keep this up I will try as little as possible to censor myself, only keeping out personal information about myself and those I know. This is because in the event that someone I know was to find this, it could potentially be quite caustic to my social life. But, with that being said, I am who I am and I have nothing to hide. I do not do things that I need to be secrets(for the most part) and if I know people who have done things to me which I should not be able to talk about openly, it is their fault for having done them.
I will start shortly.
In most cases, as these blogs go, little to no one will care nor will they read about this, but thats no matter as this is moreso for myself than anyone else.
But, if you do happen to ever read these, I encourage emails because we're all living on this rock together so we might as well give eachother a helping hand in understanding just who we are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
