We all have the same chance

We all have the same chance to attain happiness, its just a matter of what we do with our lives and how hard we push to achieve what it is that we want. I believe in fate, I believe in a lot of things that I do not understand but perhaps what I believe in the most is that there is no such thing as a guaranteed good or that if one works hard they will be rewarded with success. Granted that may sound hypocritical already because of the whole "work hard achieve what you want" business, I've just have the misfortune of working hard and still not attaining what I want. Good people can be wronged, and bad people can be blessed. Theres no sense in how anything works, theres just what happens. Nevertheless, i still try and I still push in the hopes that some day I will reap the benefits of what I hope to gain.

I am not sure what the point of a "blog" is. Maybe its therapeutical in the whole cathartic sense. I hope so. But either way I do this because it kills time. I'm lonely, I'm bored, and I want to write my life down so that some day when I am old and I have forgotten what makes me, well... me, I will be able to read this and understand why I am the way I am.

I talked to a friend who I knew four years ago, and remembering myself in the past I've come upon the realization that I have changed a lot. My soul has darkened but my capabilities have increased. I've lost a lot of my ideals but at the same time I hope for things which I never thought attainable in the past. I've loved, and I've lost. I've been wronged and I've wronged people. Such is how life goes, so why not write it down and try to understand just why I am the way I am.

Ive skipped the years of introspection which most of us go through in our teens. My need to understand myself has only arisen lately. I am both extremely proud and extremely disappointed of who I am.

In many ways I've lost myself while searching for a better me. I want to understand that, and I have to figure out where to start.

Four years ago would probably be best because much of my life revolves around the need to love and be loved.

I hope in the ensuing weeks and months and years that if I keep this up I will try as little as possible to censor myself, only keeping out personal information about myself and those I know. This is because in the event that someone I know was to find this, it could potentially be quite caustic to my social life. But, with that being said, I am who I am and I have nothing to hide. I do not do things that I need to be secrets(for the most part) and if I know people who have done things to me which I should not be able to talk about openly, it is their fault for having done them.

I will start shortly.

In most cases, as these blogs go, little to no one will care nor will they read about this, but thats no matter as this is moreso for myself than anyone else.

But, if you do happen to ever read these, I encourage emails because we're all living on this rock together so we might as well give eachother a helping hand in understanding just who we are.