Chapter 2 Part 3 {Flower}

One of my favorite places to frequent was a bar/club called "Propaganda" in the wu dao kou area. On Saturday nights they offered a wonderful "all you can drink" night from 9PM until 3AM for only 5 dollars. We pretty much went here every Saturday because it was dirt cheap, had a great atmosphere, and a good mix of both locals and expats.

I was there with the usual group of friends, except this time there were some new people from a new class. We were sitting upstairs drinking some jack and cokes, and my friend introduced me to Flower, his new classmate.

There was nothing special about her, your typical run of the mill asian american girl who was in China because her parents thought it would be a good idea that she learned to speak her native language. She was cute, and small, with fairly nice features. She was a bit overconfident though, which is a huge turnoff for me as I dont like people who think they are gods gift to the world(hypocritical?)

I'm not going to try and act like there was anything special between us, rather im going to be brutally honest - I was a young man, a very drunk young man, who was at a bar to chase tail and meet a girl with the same intent as me.

I opened up with my usual salvo of witty jokes mixed with some form of genuine charm which in most cases works on girls. Im not casanova, but sometimes I can get myself in a zone where it just seems as if I'm saying all the right things at the right time(my best way of describing how to be successful with women). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. God knows I've tried the same technique and have crashed and burned. I cant figure out why there is no real method for success, im only assuming that it depends on the girl, fair enough...

After a while of talking she expressed to me her intent on dancing with me in the hip hop area of the bar.

Success...


now, I'm white. And as we all know white people for the most part are utterly incapable of dancing. Despite this curse I LOVE to dance to hip hop. Maybe its because I went through a free-styling/rap music phase in my life. I dont know. Theres just something about the beat and the music that makes me love to dance to it. Maybe its also because dancing to hip hop with a girl can be a very sexy thing, and often leads to my being that awkward guy who is making out with a girl on the dance floor. I digress....


We went downstairs and started dancing and after a while it was pretty obvious to me that she was really into me(you get that feeling when a girl is grinding her body on you in crazy ways which you would never tell your mother about)
We get to the point where we're about to kiss when all of a sudden she backs up and eases off, saying that her brother just got to the club.

Awkward.....


I decide that I'm not going to let this be a big issue, so I decide that I'm going to meet her brother, we'll call him Roosevelt.

We stop dancing and walk over to the area where Roosevelt is hanging out and she introduces me. I find out hes actually friends with a lot of my friends and Roosevelt and I hit it off.

Cool.


It actually turns out that Roosevelt and I would more or less become some variation of "best friends" while studying in Beijing together. Really great guy, my age(Flower is a year younger) and into a lot of the same things as I was into, namely basketball and chasing tail.
I ease off of Flower for the rest of the night because I respect her brother and i dont want to make an awkward situation for myself.

At around 4 in the morning we all leave the bar together and begin the long walk back.
While walking back in a group of about ten people, Flower and I manage to strike up a conversation and at some point in the trip we reach that cute 13 year old style moment where our hands interlock and I can tell this girl actually likes me.

I walk her back to her room and rather than asking if I can come in I kiss her a few times and retire to my own room.

Over the course of the next few weeks(and other adventures with the opposite sex) my time out with Flower is pretty much running the same course. We all head out to a bar, or meet up after a text message, and I dance with her and end up making out with her when her brother isnt there.

After a few weeks of doing this we get to the point where I'm starting to spend the night. At this point however it isnt spend the night as in spend the night and have sexy times, its more like spend the whole night building up to the sexy times but then catastrophe happens
the kind of catastrophe where god decides to make the sun come out and you realize that you've been making out for hours and now that its daylight its pretty much time to go back to your room, as anything else would be awkward.

I'm not a fan of intimate moments when its light outside, or when the lights in the room are on, or when its 7AM and you're tired and hungover.

After a few weeks of this going on I make the decision that I'm going to take the dive and give in to my carnal desires. I had been taking it slow with Flower because she was a pretty cool girl, but moreso because I really really liked her brother

He was an awesome guy! I respected him and in the weeks of fooling around with his sister I had actually begun to forge a great friendship with the guy. Whenever she wouldnt come out me and Roosevelt would play the game together and be eachothers wingmen. It got pretty ridiculous.

I remember this one time Roosevelt and I got gassed up and decided that the key to hooking up with a girl must be to make them think we were gay, so that they would feel comfortable around us, and then we could try and make a move on them. This was in fact terrible logic, and I have no idea why we thought it.We were in Propaganda and danced with eachother for about 20 minutes on stage. After this eternity of man-dancing we both realized that what we were doing was a little overboard, so we took a break and decided to develop a new strategy. I was hot so I went outside to get some fresh air. While outside a young Chinese man with his shirt tied in a knot around his stomach came up to me and hugged me.I awkardly asked if I knew the guy and he said no. I was confused, becuase I was under the impression that homosexuality was something that people were persecuted for in Communist China, so I asked him if he liked girls.

"Hold on a second, ni xihuan bu xihuan nu ren?(do you like girls?)"
"shi!(yes)"
[me puzzled]
"danshi wo yea xihuan nan ren(but I also like guys)"
[me... feeling awkward...]
"Duibuqi, wo bu shi tong xin ye(sorry im not gay)"


I have nothing wrong with gay people, I just dont like penis and I dont really like it when guys hit on me. Flattering, but it makes me uncomfortable.

Anyways sorry I went on that tangent, was just a funny memory - the moral of the story is if ur not gay dont dance with a dude for 20 mins in a club where gay men may be.

Sooooooooo anywho one night we're all out,(Flower, Roosevelt, myself, random people[or randos as i call them]) and Flower and I are starting to get pretty into it on the dance floor. I make the decision that tonight is going to be the night that I'm going to get some afternoon delight as it is something that shes been implying she wants for quite some time. We all head back to the dorms and Im hanging out with Roosevelt and Flower and she excuses herself to go to bed(her sign for "hey im going to get out of here come join me as soon as possible)

I dont want Roosevelt to be suspicious so I decide to hang out with him for a little bit before I "go to bed."

We're hanging out in his room watching TV (once again, Jacky Chan singing) and he starts off:


"Hey man, I kind of hate how guys are always hitting on my sister."

"Oh dude, that sucks. Thats what you get for having a pretty sister."

"Yea I know, it just sucks when you and I are hitting on girls and I have to look over at some goon trying to get in her pants."

"Whatever man, thats life. She probably feels the same way about you ya know?"

"Fair enough"

"listen man, as much as I'd like to talk about how much people want to get with your sister, I should get to bed because I gotta wake up early tomorrow"

After saying goodbye I exited the room and proceeded downstairs to her room.


Afternoon Delight.




I never told him, and I pretty much felt terrible and after that night stopped talking to her. Not outright, but I stopped trying to play the game for the hanky pank. Its not because I'm a dick(which i guess i arguably was in those days because of my actions) but a lot of it is because I realized I really like the brother so much more as a friend and I didnt want to risk him finding out if we continued doing stuff, and so I had to break it off.

I think Flower was a good girl though and months later I talked to her via email and felt pretty bad.

"I miss your smile" she said to me. "i miss your smile....."
Damn. She must have really liked me. Thanks a lot G. A fear of getting in anything substantial is the legacy which G left me with. But thats okay, I was growing up.